Disclaimers:
This post and several others related posts might seem to be a rant
Personal experiences, put in words
Your comments, thoughts are welcome!
tl;dr
Ok, so finally I am on the keyboard starting to write this one.
It has been years now, before the last blog post.
And of course, there had been many many times in between that I had thought of revisiting blogging, to jot down my thoughts,views and experiences- so so many of them, just to feel relieved if not anything else.
So, it has been years now (yes almost 3) that I had quit my full time day job to try something of my own.
How has it been till now? Well, sorry for that, but - Devastating!
Disturbing for me, Devastating for my family and loved ones.
How and why I failed, and where and why I am heading is write up for another day.
Why I feel my near and dear ones are devastated is what I would like to write about today.
They were all not very keen on my leaving a full time job. But when I did, they did support me.
In all possible ways.
Luckily, I had enough savings to support my venture and myself financially.
The only support I needed was emotional. Which I did get from all of my family members.
Things, however, did not turn out the fairy tale way for me. Yes, I do believe in karma. I agree that the results of my efforts (or the lack of it) or my poor decision making skills in the hindsight might have caused the failure of my venture. (Or did it not take off at all?) Whatever it was.
But, what my futile efforts did to me mentally, physically and psychologically- had some really unwelcoming manifestations on my life specifically and my family's in general.
Seeing me struggle even to meet ends, seeing me getting irritated at things and being mentally disturbed and seeing me as almost being lost in life, my family has been devastated by my "bold" move in life. And that is a sad part.
As an entrepreneur, while you struggle and try to think what you want to do next to make your venture work; knowing that you have disappointed people who love you is not a great feeling- believe me.
As a write this with moist eyes and a choked throat, I cannot describe how I feel every day when I see a zero-confidence in my father's eyes for me.
The very same person whom I had for a long time (well almost all times) made proud.
It feels bad I let him down.
The anxious and worried look on Mom's face doesn't help either. She does try to hide it behind fake smiles and but fails at it.
It feels bad I broke my brother's trust by not giving 100% efforts or not moving on to something else at the right time. I feel I let him down too.
I feel bad when in hindsight I see how I have been behaving with everyone around me.
I feel worse when I know they love me very much and my pain is antagonizing for them, even more than me.
And that is not the only sad part.
With my failure, inaction and unwarranted decisions, I see a very bad implication that I seem to have given to people around me.
My father now thinks people who leave job for something else are frivolous. The obvious comparison is with me. Even if I try my best to tell everyone that I am trying to get things up and running, they are not convinced.
The notion stays- leaving job for risky ventures, (esp. without any family financial backing) is now being seen as a farce. And I am not able to counter that. My views do not count. Any longer. I am not (not that I was ever) a breadwinner and I don't have a say. I having nothing to show in my favor and I cannot not agree to things to I want to.
I have lost the role of advising my brother regarding his career path, when I know many a times, he is going wrong . I have lost my position to give my views on things. They are no longer valued. I have lost the power to comment on my sister's wedding. I have lost everyone's trust.
The disapproving look, the disappointing feeling and the depressing atmosphere continues.
This is what my entrepreneurial escapades have done.
And that my friends, is SAD.
I continue trying hard. This blog was never meant to be pessimistic. I am not a pessimist. Even though many of my blogs or views might make me look like one. These are just the bitter experiences have been through and well, yes there is a lot of learning involved.
I will write specific articles about other experiences in my life. My take on how things are looked upon and how things fall apart during the course of time. How decision making can be done in a better way, how relationships need to be valued and how entrepreneurship is making me a tough person in life. But that, later.
The biggest lament I would have is - I brought a false implication about entrepreneurs and I devastated people I love. I lost their trust. I lost their confidence.
(On a different note, I had read somewhere: "It is a great feeling when you see your parents smiling and knowing that you are the reason behind it". I paraphrased it -"It is a sad feeling to see your parents worried and knowing that you are the reason behind it". I write this with shaking hands. And heads down.)
With hopes for a better tomorrow
-KU
This post and several others related posts might seem to be a rant
Personal experiences, put in words
Many of my views are to be taken with a pinch of salt
Many of them are subjective and might really not be applicable to anyone!Your comments, thoughts are welcome!
tl;dr
It has been years now, before the last blog post.
And of course, there had been many many times in between that I had thought of revisiting blogging, to jot down my thoughts,views and experiences- so so many of them, just to feel relieved if not anything else.
So, it has been years now (yes almost 3) that I had quit my full time day job to try something of my own.
How has it been till now? Well, sorry for that, but - Devastating!
Disturbing for me, Devastating for my family and loved ones.
How and why I failed, and where and why I am heading is write up for another day.
Why I feel my near and dear ones are devastated is what I would like to write about today.
They were all not very keen on my leaving a full time job. But when I did, they did support me.
In all possible ways.
Luckily, I had enough savings to support my venture and myself financially.
The only support I needed was emotional. Which I did get from all of my family members.
Things, however, did not turn out the fairy tale way for me. Yes, I do believe in karma. I agree that the results of my efforts (or the lack of it) or my poor decision making skills in the hindsight might have caused the failure of my venture. (Or did it not take off at all?) Whatever it was.
But, what my futile efforts did to me mentally, physically and psychologically- had some really unwelcoming manifestations on my life specifically and my family's in general.
Seeing me struggle even to meet ends, seeing me getting irritated at things and being mentally disturbed and seeing me as almost being lost in life, my family has been devastated by my "bold" move in life. And that is a sad part.
As an entrepreneur, while you struggle and try to think what you want to do next to make your venture work; knowing that you have disappointed people who love you is not a great feeling- believe me.
As a write this with moist eyes and a choked throat, I cannot describe how I feel every day when I see a zero-confidence in my father's eyes for me.
The very same person whom I had for a long time (well almost all times) made proud.
It feels bad I let him down.
The anxious and worried look on Mom's face doesn't help either. She does try to hide it behind fake smiles and but fails at it.
It feels bad I broke my brother's trust by not giving 100% efforts or not moving on to something else at the right time. I feel I let him down too.
I feel bad when in hindsight I see how I have been behaving with everyone around me.
I feel worse when I know they love me very much and my pain is antagonizing for them, even more than me.
And that is not the only sad part.
With my failure, inaction and unwarranted decisions, I see a very bad implication that I seem to have given to people around me.
My father now thinks people who leave job for something else are frivolous. The obvious comparison is with me. Even if I try my best to tell everyone that I am trying to get things up and running, they are not convinced.
The notion stays- leaving job for risky ventures, (esp. without any family financial backing) is now being seen as a farce. And I am not able to counter that. My views do not count. Any longer. I am not (not that I was ever) a breadwinner and I don't have a say. I having nothing to show in my favor and I cannot not agree to things to I want to.
I have lost the role of advising my brother regarding his career path, when I know many a times, he is going wrong . I have lost my position to give my views on things. They are no longer valued. I have lost the power to comment on my sister's wedding. I have lost everyone's trust.
The disapproving look, the disappointing feeling and the depressing atmosphere continues.
This is what my entrepreneurial escapades have done.
And that my friends, is SAD.
I continue trying hard. This blog was never meant to be pessimistic. I am not a pessimist. Even though many of my blogs or views might make me look like one. These are just the bitter experiences have been through and well, yes there is a lot of learning involved.
I will write specific articles about other experiences in my life. My take on how things are looked upon and how things fall apart during the course of time. How decision making can be done in a better way, how relationships need to be valued and how entrepreneurship is making me a tough person in life. But that, later.
The biggest lament I would have is - I brought a false implication about entrepreneurs and I devastated people I love. I lost their trust. I lost their confidence.
(On a different note, I had read somewhere: "It is a great feeling when you see your parents smiling and knowing that you are the reason behind it". I paraphrased it -"It is a sad feeling to see your parents worried and knowing that you are the reason behind it". I write this with shaking hands. And heads down.)
With hopes for a better tomorrow
-KU
