Yearnings of a lost entrepreneur.

Disclaimers:
This post and several others related posts might seem to be a rant
Personal experiences, put in words

Many of my views are to be taken with a pinch of salt

Many of them are subjective and might really not be applicable to anyone!
Your comments, thoughts are welcome!
tl;dr

Ok, so finally I am on the keyboard starting to write this one.
It has been years now, before the last blog post.
And of course, there had been many many times in between that I had thought of revisiting blogging, to jot down my thoughts,views and experiences- so so many of them, just to feel relieved if not anything else.

So, it has been years now (yes almost 3) that I had quit my full time day job to try something of my own.
How has it been till now? Well, sorry for that, but - Devastating!
Disturbing for me, Devastating for my family and loved ones.
How and why I failed, and where and why I am heading is write up for another day.
Why I feel my near and dear ones are devastated is what I would like to write about today.

They were all not very keen on my leaving a full time job. But when I did, they did support me.
In all possible ways.
Luckily, I had enough savings to support my venture and myself financially.
The only support I needed was emotional. Which I did get from all of my family members.

Things, however, did not turn out the fairy tale way for me. Yes, I do believe in karma. I agree that the results of my efforts (or the lack of it) or my poor decision making skills in the hindsight might have caused the failure of my venture. (Or did it not take off at all?) Whatever it was.

But, what my futile efforts did to me mentally, physically and psychologically- had some really unwelcoming manifestations on my life specifically and my family's in general.

Seeing me struggle even to meet ends, seeing me getting irritated at things and being mentally disturbed and seeing me as almost being lost in life, my family has been devastated by my "bold" move in life. And that is a sad part.
As an entrepreneur, while you struggle and try to think what you want to do next to make your venture work; knowing that you have disappointed people who love you is not a great feeling- believe me.
As a write this with moist eyes and a choked throat, I cannot describe how I feel every day when I see a zero-confidence in my father's eyes for me.
The very same person whom I had for a long time (well almost all times) made proud.
It feels bad I let him down.
The anxious and worried look on Mom's face doesn't help either. She does try to hide it behind fake smiles and but fails at it.
It feels bad I broke my brother's trust by not giving 100% efforts or not moving on to something else at the right time. I feel I let him down too.
I feel bad when in hindsight I see how I have been behaving with everyone around me.

I feel worse when I know they love me very much and my pain is antagonizing for them, even more than me.

And that is not the only sad part.

With my failure, inaction and unwarranted decisions, I see a very bad implication that I seem to have given to people around me.
My father now thinks people who leave job for something else are frivolous. The obvious comparison is with me. Even if I try my best to tell everyone that I am trying to get things up and running, they are not convinced.
The notion stays- leaving job for risky ventures, (esp. without any family financial backing) is now being seen as a farce. And I am not able to counter that. My views do not count. Any longer. I am not (not that I was ever) a breadwinner and I don't have a say. I having nothing to show in my favor and I cannot not agree to things to I want to.
I have lost the role of advising my brother regarding his career path, when I know many a times, he is going wrong . I have lost my position to give my views on things. They are no longer valued. I have lost the power to comment on my sister's wedding. I have lost everyone's trust.
The disapproving look, the disappointing feeling and the depressing atmosphere continues.
This is what my entrepreneurial escapades have done.
And that my friends, is SAD.
I continue trying hard. This blog was never meant to be pessimistic. I am not a pessimist. Even though many of my blogs or views might make me look like one. These are just the bitter experiences have been through and well, yes there is a lot of learning involved.

I will write specific articles about other experiences in my life. My take on how things are looked upon and how things fall apart during the course of time. How decision making can be done in a better way, how relationships need to be valued and how entrepreneurship is making me a tough person in life. But that, later.
The biggest lament I would have is - I brought a false implication about entrepreneurs and I devastated people I love. I lost their trust. I lost their confidence.


(On a different note, I had read somewhere: "It is a great feeling when you see your parents smiling and knowing that you are the reason behind it". I paraphrased it -"It is a sad feeling to see your parents worried and knowing that you are the reason behind it". I write this with shaking hands. And heads down.)

With hopes for a better tomorrow
-KU

The dilemma

It is the old thing really, once again. But with new angles.
yes. the same old MMMMBBBAA thing.
I got an interview call from Symbiosis this year and hopes are high that I may get more calls and even convert some or the other.
But being in this scene has led me to the very basic question now-  Should I go for the MBA?


My thinking (mind you, that's disturbing me from last so many days)-
I am 25 now and very close to being 26. Sometime next yr and surely next to next, pressure is likely to begin on you-know-what. If at all I manage to buy sometime, that will be max one more yr. So it would be me at 28! (Man! soch ke bhi darr lagta hai) So, if I go for an MBA this yr in a hope of meeting potential co-founders for my dream start-up post-MBA (and the hopes don't look that great, mind you), when I would pass-out from B-school, I would have already reached that dreadful mark- 28. I would, in all possibilities, have no(or minimal) time to do any kind of start-up I want to try my hands at.


Looking this from the skip-the-MBA point of view-


I don't opt for MBA and continue here till December'12.  Jan'13 (ok, I would be 26 something by then) , I begin my start-up or at least start working towards it, FULL time and in NAGPUR! I would face some uncalled for criticisms and extremely uncalled for advices. Assuming I cope up with all this( and I will !) , I will finally be where I want to be and doing what I wanted to do be doing.
Time flies- criticisms will fade away and the advisers will Shut Up. I would be completely by myself and that would be my chance to pursue my ambition; and while doing so, I would be having some time in my hand too (1-1.5 yrs - a calculated guess).


So what do I do know. My mind and heart are all for plan-B. Skip-the-MBA. I hope I get over this dilemma very soon. God!!


Not much cheers this time
KU

Happy New Year !!

I thought this could be the best time to revisit blogging.
Wish you all a very Happy New year and wishing everyone have a great year ahead!


Like a typical what-all-things-happened-last-year article, let me put forth some that I remember well-

1. Japan earthquake and Tsunami - one of my friends was on-site in Tokyo when this happened. Everyone of us kept track of the happenings. He returned India safely. But the tsunami was a really bad thing to happen.And as I write this, I see on TV news about another mild earthquake in Tokyo.Can't imagine what must be the Japanese goin thru when they face these things so frequently. I only pray this doesn't occur in future and all live a happy and safe life!


2. Steve Jobs' sad demise- my long lasting desire of buying an iPhone finally was fulfilled in June when I bought a 3GS. It is a superb phone guyz, hands-on winner over most  them. I was in complete awe of Apple and would keep exploring the App Store and reading about Apple devices.
But Steve Jobs' passing away drove me even further , reading about the man himself. Hail the entrepreneur in him and may he RIP.


3. Anna Hazare - I knew nothing about the Lokpal Bill, before Anna brought the subject to all. Actually even after Anna started his fast, I was still unaware of the things, till my facebook wall started showing posts about Anna and the Lokpal Bill.
My view, after the latest debate on Lokpal in RS- Anna should indeed feel victorious and successful in bringing in a Lokpal for the country. The debabte is endless on the bill being 'strong' or not. But of all things, the point is- Atleast the Bill has come up and if passed, would prevent(or resist) a lot(in not all) corruption.Without Anna's movement, this couldn't have been possible.
So, Team Anna- take a bow for this revolution and let's hope that the Lokpal Bill is actually passed in 2012.


4. The great Indian victory and the disaster thereafter - They win the World Cup. They beat all comprehensively in most of the games.They play like Champions.And the moment u start believing this team is indeed the best performing side, they do what they did in England. I mean a 0-4 loss is just too much to digest. With the boxing day match down-under also lost, India has a lot of things to do in 2012.


Hoping for a superb and safe 2012! Cheers!!
KU

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara...!

Watched ZNMD last week.


And as I had mentioned in my last post - I just loved it! Not that it was an extraordinary kind of a movie. But the way the story was told, the thing about which was it was told, touches you. You relate with it!


The three protagonists in the movie go on a trip to Spain and indulge in adventure sports.But there is more to the trip than just adventure. They realize that all of them are, actually, in pursuit of something- something that even they don't have knowledge of. So, as they keep relishing the indulgences, slowly starts the introspection. They meet Laila (Kartina), who brings alive the real-self of these guyz. Not only does she gets Arjun(Hrithik)  face-to-face  with reality that 'Live the present!' but also transforms him as a person, and thus, gives the bonhomie between the friends a new direction.Meanwhile Imran(Farhan) comes to terms with reality when he has a meeting with his biological father;and Kabir(Abhay) has his epiphany when he finally decides to do away with his planned wedding with Kalki.


In short, Zoya Akhtar's ZNMD is all about breaking free.Breaking free from the shackles that prevents us from unwinding, flying and living life in true sense.
After watching ZNMD, you feel immediately to call up your friends and set-off for an Eurotrip! And I felt the same too. The picturesque Spain shown in the movie is bound to make you feel the same too. And you can also feel some real positive energy undulating in you as you watch this movie.You feel inspired.


More- you feel waking up, and living it up.
An awesome movie I would say. 

A near perfect Saturday!

Morning started with  some studies(yes...preparation started!), and at 12 we left for Daksh's place.

Daksh had invited ery1 for lunch, prepared by himself! And let me tell you - he is an awesome cook!

More than the taste of the food, the heart he puts in making the food is amazing!

Indeed we savored every bite of it! Kheer, especially! :)

Next on cards was 2 back-to-back movies.

The first one- Harry Potter(the last part).Well, all the time, I was hesitant to see HP was not because I hated it or so, but because I hardly remembered anything from the first four parts of the series that I had seen.So was kinda out of touch and hence , may be not-too-keen.

Kd and Daksh revised some of the story for me, and it helped! The movie was indeed quite gripping and went off really well!

Awesome!

Next movie- A Farhan Akhtar flick, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.

I have always admired the creativity of Farhan Akhtar and was greatly excited about this film too.

Not that I was disappointed but yes, most of the part of the movie was 'typical'. I mean the 'hat-ke' quotient was petty low.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed the movie-courtesy the innumerable comedy scenes and even more comical Abhay Deol expressions. Not much inspired or something by the movie, I wud rate this as a one time watch.

So this was the day. A near-perfect weekend.Chiiled Out.

Just thought of blogging it out. Man! At one end I don't write, and at another, when I do start, I just don't wanna stop!

KU

P.S: Did I mention that rains were minimal today! Cool na! :P

The Odyssey!

It was raining on 30^th June,2008.

And as usual, we were late for office. Stranded at Kanurmarg station – waiting for an autoricksha to pity on us.

But it was not just another morning. It was the first day of my Corporate life- the day of joining Lehman Brothers!

So we finally managed to get a rick to Winchester and my goodness- I was in awe when I saw the building. It was(and still is) a Class!

As we entered the lobby- I remember wishing ‘Good Morning’ to the suit-clad security person, standing there just to see if all have got their IDs(little did I know about this then). Then there was the elevator- ery1 with their well ironed formal  shirts, taking out their Black Berrys and wishing each other ‘morning’ in some kind of accent. Man! I felt so out of place. Few days back , I was in college. Carefree and tension-free. Now I was in a place where people say ‘sorry’ even for no reasons may a times. So samjh nahi rah tha mera kya hoga.

The day went by with presentations all around and ended with a cock tail party at the terrace cafeteria. Yes, a cocktail party for new joiners, who were fresh out of college. We left in the company bus and it was still raining.

This was 30^th June ,2008.

Today is 30^th June, 2011.

Three years! Yes – 3 yrs flew and how?- I have no clue.

Lehman brothers collapsed, Nomura took over, project changed, team mates changed, batch mates left, friend became my manager, and so many things. Indeed the journey` till date has been eventful.

Will I call it a happy journey? Don't know. So do I want to call it not-so-happy? Well, don't know.

It is a mixed feeling. Something that can be best described as ‘don't know’! L

But yes, the journey continues nevertheless. Again ‘don't know’ till when. The effort will always be to make it an beautiful odyssey.

Need wishes and luck!

Cheers

KU

Champions!

86 is when I was born. Not grown up enough till 92. So the 1996 cricket world cup is the first world cup that is still very much there in my memory. And yes, even if I was just a 10 yr old then, Sachin had become a God for me. I still have some amazing memories of that world cup- going to my uncle's place and watching the matches with everyone, that old logo of star sports, and then sometimes falling asleep on the sofa during the middle overs of the afternoon innings. It was great fun until the semis, when the legendary Indian batting collapse made sure it was curtains for us. Elders at my place say I had wet eyes while the match was being called off at the Eden gardens and SL being handed over the victory. This was the 1996 world cup. An unrealised dream and a shattered heart.

Then came 99 - got cable connection for the first time at our home- especially for the WC and the event began with Hansie and his formidable (now they are called Chokers) side rated as the favorites.And they were the fav acutally.All of us knew. And for India, it was the three legends- Ganguly, Dravid and Sachin.It was all about them. And they did their bit too. The enormous sixes by Ganguly in his 183* at Taunton are still afresh in my minds. The understated Dravid had two of his best innings in that world cup. And Sachin's solid hundred after coming back to the team after his father's unfortunate death. India went into the Super sixes but in the end could not tackle the fierce Aussie attack in a crucial match, to be then thrown out of the tournament and the WC dreams over.

2003 -the team looked like they were on a mission under Dada's leadership and Sehwag's attacking presence in every match helped us reach the finals- yes, the Finals of the world cup. We were almost there. People had already bought their quota of beer, drums were almost taken out, newspapers headlines about India's triumph were almost ready.Almost.Until Ricky Ponting happened. The punter smashed us all over the ground and ruthlessly. His 100 is still a nightmare for many. The Aussies took the WC away from us in the first innings itself.The beer was unused,the drums unused and the headlines modified-now talking about India's end.

2007 -India did not participate in the 2007 WC for unknown reasons. :P

So finally it all came down to 2011 - back in the sub-continent and more special because it may probably be Sachin's last world cup and a victory at Wankhede would not only fulfill the nation's unfulfilled dream for last 28 yrs, but also be an ideal farewell for the Little Master. Under Dhoni's leadership and some really good team effort-where everyone contributed, India crossed some major hurdles (read Australia and Pakistan) to reach the Wankhede for the final crash with SL.The match turned out to be a game worthy of a WC final and Dhoni's six over long-on to seal India's victory was carved in our memories forever.

The jubilation began -on the field and on the streets- streets all over India- and outside India too wherever there are Indians. It was for something we have been waiting for years. People even had moist eyes when they (including me) watching Bhajji, Yuvi and Sachin cry on screen. I called up all my friends/cousins to share the experience. Everyone was elated. Everyone was on cloud nine. The internet was full of celebratory messages. It was a great feeling. It was something about which we had only heard from elders and the 1983 WC winning players' interviews. It was something that we would make us feel we are the best. And we are the Best! Officially now.2011 WC champions- India!

As I said, the hi-fis, the dance, the celebration was all over the place-everywhere. People took to the streets in thousands (and even in Lacs at some places) and with Tri-colour in their hands, chants of Chak De India, Sachin, India, Bharat Mata ki Jai were shouted by one and all. It was amazing. It is amazing. The scenes of celebration will remain in my memory for life time!

For many it may just be a WC trophy but for us Indians, it is much more than that. It is glory. It is emotions. It is pride.

Ending the note here.. as I again watch the highlights of the final on Star Cricket.

Cheers

KU